KITTEN KRUSTIES: The Worst Stuff We Reviewed in 2024

While we enjoyed reviewing another big batch of Blu-Rays, DVDs and movies in 2024, they haven’t all been picks of the litter. Time to take a look back at the worst of them. Our list consists strictly of titles which were sent to us for review purposes.

BLEH...THE WORST: As much as we love movies, there are times when reviewing them feels like an actual job. The following titles deserve to be buried in the litter box:

10) AQUAMAN AND THE LOST KINGDOM (Warner Bros) - Even more so than the first film, the overall aesthetic reeks of artifice. Rarely does it feel like the performers are ever interacting with their environment. It’s emblematic of many recent superhero movies…watchable without ever being engaging, with no attempts to bring anything new to an increasingly rote formula.

9) LISA FRANKENSTEIN (Universal) - Lisa Frankenstein is slickly directed, looks great and features good performances. But while there’s plenty of comic horror potential in the basic concept, the film squanders it with shallow characters, heavy-handed satire and a misguided idea of black comedy.

8) IMAGINARY (Lionsgate) - For a horror movie called Imaginary, there ain’t much horror or imagination. Virtually all of the backstory and missing pieces to the narrative are provided through lengthy verbal exposition. And could we please finally dispense with the snotty-emo-teen trope?

7) BLUE DESERT (Indiepix) - There’s no climax, no discernible resolution and absolutely no clarity. Watching Blue Desert is like going on a date with someone who’s drop-dead gorgeous, but might be the dullest person you ever met.

6) BLOOD AND LACE (Shoreline) - Though pretty violent for a PG-rated film, thrillseekers unfazed by the narrative’s nastier aspects would still probably find Blood and Lace a chore to sit through. Even by hagsploitation’s lowly standards, this is cheap, dull and poorly assembled. It's sort of sad to think this was the only work Gloria Grahame could get at the time. 

5) POLAR RESCUE (Well Go USA) - Donnie Yen’s performance is excellent, deftly conveying the frustration, determination and desperation any parent would feel in this situation…all without delivering a single body blow or roundhouse kick. Unfortunately, Polar Rescue repeatedly sabotages his efforts with obnoxious characters and stupid plot turns, resulting in a movie that isn’t worthy of Yen’s dedication.

4) KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS (MGM) - It was sad to witness Charles Bronson’s descent into exploitative mediocrity during the 80s, repeatedly putting his career in the hands of a director (J. Lee Thompson) who stopped giving a damn years earlier. But even by their tempered standards, Kinjite is a bottom dweller. The sleazy approach to its subject matter and repellent attitude toward the Japanese overshadows everything.

3) REAGAN (Lionsgate) - A love letter to the 40th president and those who continue to deify him, the movie is a pandering pile of propaganda and gushing adulation. At no point is Reagan insightful or emotionally engaging. It’s just an interminable checklist of events with a ton of preachy, long-winded exposition..

2) CATNADO (Wild Eye) - We knew going-in that Catnado would be cheap, but Jesus Christ, no movie should have the viewer suspecting more effort was put into selling it than actually making it. But the biggest sin? There are hardly any actual cats in the movie, and since there are plenty of funnier videos on YouTube featuring real ones, why waste your time?

1) COCAINE WEREWOLF (Cleopatra) - Cheap and stupid doesn’t begin to describe this one. The whole thing is strictly amateur night...boring, scare-free, devoid of laughs (intentional ones, anyway) and featuring a creature about as convincing as the monster masks at Spirit Halloween. 

DISHONORABLE MENTION: The Crow (2024) (Lionsgate), Red Line 7000 (Arrow), A Creature was Stirring (Well Go USA), Stigmata (Capelight), The Watchers (Warner Bros), Cursed in Baja (Anchor Bay), Killers (Synapse Films), Death Count (Gravitas Ventures); Director Spotlight: Sydney Pollack (Mill Creek Entertainment).

Be sure to check out THE BEST STUFF WE REVIEWED IN 2024.