To appreciate the appeal of a movie like this is to know its director. Mark Polonia has been throwing together direct-to-video junk (often shot on video) for nearly 40 years. And “throwing together” ain’t an exaggeration. So far, he’s released 4 movies in 2024 alone and the year is only two-thirds of the way over. But since he directed nine in 2023, perhaps age is catching up with him.
Looking at his lengthy filmography, Polonia specializes in rip-offs and mockbusters, most which I suspect were given their titles before even a single word of the screenplays were written. Lots of shark flicks, Amityville movies and silly monster mash-ups. Never one to pass up the opportunity to jump on a bandwagon, he’s recently turned to pumping out no-budget nonsense featuring drug-fueled beasties, such as Cocaine Werewolf.
Cheap and stupid doesn’t begin to describe this one. What else can you say about a movie with a budget so low that CGI is used to simulate a shattered windshield? Or a narrative that randomly includes a shot of a sexy pole dancer, despite being completely irrelevant to a single scene or character? The entire movie looks like it was shot with one camera, featuring a cast whose resumes mostly consist of other Polonia films (and we suspect acting isn’t their primary source of income). Ironically, Cocaine Werewolf is about the title creature stalking an equally-untalented cast and crew of an equally-cheap horror movie, which is as close to clever as it gets.
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| When "The Final Countdown" gets stuck in your head. |
The completely ill-fitting industrial rock score suggests Cleopatra Entertainment is also using Cocaine Werewolf to promote the artists on their label. On the other hand, the music is the only decent aspect of the entire film. The rest is strictly amateur night...boring, scare-free, devoid of laughs (intentional ones, anyway) and featuring a creature about as convincing as the monster masks at Spirit Halloween.
Then again, perhaps Polonia is already well-aware of his abilities (or lack thereof). Maybe the movie's shitty on purpose and the joke's on us because it has obviously worked out for him over the years. In an era when Terry Gilliam has trouble getting anything made, Polonia’s remained gainfully employed, earning something of a cult following along the way. If you’ve read this far, perhaps you’re totally down with catching the latest epic from the guy who brought you Bigfoot vs. Zombies and Amityville in Space. Rest assured, you won’t be disappointed.
No one else needs to bother.
EXTRA KIBBLES
SLIDESHOW - Stills from the film.
AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Mark Polonia.
TRAILER
TRAILERS FOR OTHER CLEOPATRA ENTERTAINMENT RELEASES
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