ADVENTURES IN THE BUDGET BIN: The Pricey Pillow Party

A REPORT BY MR. BISCUITS🐈

Were pillows always this fucking expensive? 

To be clear, I’m not referring to the decorative throw pillows that Mama Kitty sometimes buys to spice up the living room sofa, replacing older ones that have apparently lost their spiciness. Since those are a pretty penny, too, I’ve occasionally asked her how many throw pillows one living room actually needs.

“I dunno,” she snarked one time. “How many copies of Jaws does one guy need on his video shelf?” Well played, Mama Kitty, well played.

Put that way, I guess I understand. If a new teal throw pillow is somehow an upgrade from the teal throw pillow already sitting on our couch, who am I to judge? At least it makes her happy, though I do think any pillow with an $80 price tag should at least come with a side of onion rings.

However, I’m actually referring to the plain old pillows we use for sleeping. I don’t recall paying exorbitant sums for them in the past. Or maybe they were always expensive and I just wasn’t paying attention. For me, a pillow is a just pillow…something to be replaced after the old one got too flat. And was ten bucks…tops.

During our recent date night (Starbucks & shopping on Saturday afternoons), Mama Kitty wanted to grab a couple of new ones to fill the pillowcases she just bought. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Why not just put the perfectly good pillows you already have in them?” While I might have thought the very same thing, suggesting as much would likely result in a snarky retort about my recent purchase of the entire Godfather Trilogy on 4K to replace my Godfather Trilogy on Blu-ray, which had replaced my Godfather Trilogy on DVD, which replaced my Godfather Trilogy on VHS. I ain’t gonna open up that can of worms.

So off we went to Marshall’s, which, as department stores go, is generally pretty affordable. Mama Kitty found two options…fluffy white pillows for $35 or fluffy white pillows for $50. Naturally, she chose the $50 ones. That’s a lot of cash for something I’m just gonna end up drooling on in my sleep. And they didn’t even come with onion rings.

We left Marshall’s with my wallet noticeably lighter, but not so light that a quick stop at Big Lots was out of the question. While Mama Kitty popped into Craft Warehouse next door, I made my way to Big Lots’ movie rack, where I found Exorcist: The Beginning (Blu-ray/$4.99). I wouldn’t call this prequel a good film…besides Die Hard 2, what Renny Harlan movie really is? But it does complete my Exorcist collection on Blu-ray, and if nothing else, it’s still better than Exorcist II: The Heretic.

How Father Merrin disposes of his old pillows.

It was actually a good day for collection completion. On the same shelf was Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Blu-ray/$4.99), the first film in the reboot/prequel trilogy (whatever you want to call it). Though I already own the DVD, I had the other two on Blu-ray and my video shelf just seemed incomplete without all three of them in the same format, not to mention the upgrade in picture & sound quality. 

I also grabbed a couple of blind buys, Becky (Blu-ray/$3.99) and a double-feature disc pairing Identity & Vacancy (Blu-ray/$6.99). Blind buys are less of a risk at five bucks a pop, and since I always meant to check these out, why not? I guess they could all be considered horror films, though after watching Identity, I’d say it’s more of a mystery thriller, and a pretty good one at that. Vacancy, however, is a bucket of monkey shit. As for Becky, I discovered I like Kevin James a lot more when he’s not trying to be funny (in fact, he’s pretty fucking creepy here, playing a vicious neo-Nazi).

All told, that’s five flicks for half the cost of a new pillow. But before leaving the store, I checked Big Lots’ bedding section to see if we could’ve found cheaper pillows. Sure enough, they had plenty of ‘em for only twenty bucks. I briefly considered snarking at Mama Kitty over her lack of comparison shopping skills, but thought better of it, especially since these $20 jobs didn’t feel nearly as cozy. Maybe a pillow isn’t always just a pillow.