SHARK
BAIT: 6 KILLER SHARK FILMS
Ghost
Shark, Mississippi River Sharks, Ozark Sharks, Santa Jaws, Swamp
Shark, Zombie Shark and Alligator Alley (listed as an “Extra
Bite”). (613 min).
IT
HITS THE FAN: 4 APOCALYPTIC DISASTER MOVIES
Tornado
Warning, Judgement Day (sic), Chrome Angels, Ghouls. (366 min).
ON
DVD FROM MILL CREEK ENTERTAINMENT
Review
by Tiger the Terrible😼
If
you’re gonna assemble a batch of movies of decidedly questionable quality, you might as well do it with a sense of humor. As these two
cheekily-titled collections demonstrate, Mill Creek Entertainment is
well-aware of its potential audience...those who prefer their horror
and action served with a big slice of cheese.
The
accurately-titled SHARK BAIT gives us six silly flicks featuring
everyone's favorite maneater, most helmed by the same director, Misty
Talley. Typical of all SyFy killer creature fodder, the CGI is
laughable, the plots blatantly
ludicrous.
Some
of them are also
a
little too self-aware for their own good (a novelty that wore off
after Sharknado
2).
The one exception is Santa
Jaws.
Sure, it's a one-joke movie, but it happens to be a hell of a joke
and
the basic premise actually reflects some creative effort. Believe it or not, how this one incorporates Christmas-related
traditions – from Santa hats to candy canes as weapons - is
genuinely funny. This title alone makes the entire set worth picking
up.
 |
| KITTY CONSENSUS (Shark Bait): NOT BAD |
Elsewhere,
Ghost
Shark
has some amusing kills, while Mississippi
River Sharks
is almost saved by Jason London’s self-mocking performance
(at-least until he’s gobbled up). The remaining films scrape the
bottom of the barrel in this dubious subgenre. Some even
cannibalize scenes from each other to shave their budgets. Thrown-in
for bad measure is Alligator
Alley,
once more-affectionately known as Ragin’
Cagin’ Redneck Gators.
Like
all the others, this was also shot in the Entertainment Capital of the
World, rural Louisiana.
 |
| Too much sugar can kill you. |
Speaking
of which, we return to the Bayou State for IT
HITS THE FAN.
This
collection’s subtitle,
4
Apocalyptic Disaster Movies,
is a bit misleading. Only
two of them, Tornado
Warning
and Judgement
Day
(the box cover’s spelling, not mine) loosely qualify as
disaster movies and only the latter is watchable. It’s onscreen
title is actually Quantum
Apocalypse
and the basic story – some kind of interstellar flux threatening to
suck Earth into oblivion - ain’t half-bad. It’s one of those
movies where
the viewer can’t help but wonder how it would have turned out with
a budget to match its ambition.
 |
| KITTY CONSENSUS (It Hits the Fan): MEH. |
If
one is in the right frame-of-mind, Chrome
Angels
is an awesomely awful Biker Chicks vs. Robots debacle. Best of all,
it’s mostly played straight, meaning there’s unintentional
hilarity in abundance. Leather-glad babes fearlessly
strut, scowl
and
shoot
people, while
a seriously slumming Paul Le Mat slurs like he’s thoroughly
hammered.
Finally, Ghouls
is
a
supernatural
horror film and a colossal bore. Considering the number of disaster
cheapies out there, the inclusion of this one is perplexing. In
fact, IT HITS THE FAN doesn’t really deliver as advertised, and the
only semi-decent flick (Quantum
Apocalypse) isn't enough to make it worth the trouble.
EXTRA
KIBBLES
DIGITAL
COPIES
No comments:
Post a Comment