Starring
John Agar, Mara Corday (mee-ow!), Leo G. Carroll, Nestor Paiva, Ross Elliott
and a very young Clint Eastwood (the fighter pilot behind the mask!).
Directed by Jack Arnold. (1955/81 min).
Review
by Mr. Pawsđ¸
For
me, a 'large spider' is defined as one visible to the naked eye, and
always do my part by using 8,000 times the necessary force required
to kill them, usually with a shoe or book. I whack them more than
once...often several times to make certain they don't return
to torment me in the next life. While I haven't yet resorted to using
fire, I did once make the mistake of smashing one with a
hammer, leaving a permanent dent in our dining room floor.
Spiders are scary because...well, they're spiders. They exist for the sole purpose of being squashed by a paperback (a good reason not to switch to e-books). If God didn't intend us to kill them on sight, he would have made spiders look more like rabbits. Instead, they're stealthy, silent, hairy, venomous and equipped with more eyes and appendages than any creature has a right to possess. I'm certain if a spider were to catch its own reflection in a mirror, it would try to squash itself.
But some spiders you just can’t squash,
like the epic arachnid in Tarantula, one
of the better ‘big bug’ movies of the 50s. I first saw it
on TV late one night in the early 70s and spent half the time with my
head buried under blankets. This was absolute nightmare fuel for an
arachnophobic nine-year-old, especially since the special effects
were pretty convincing for the time (and still relatively impressive
today).
Spiders are scary because...well, they're spiders. They exist for the sole purpose of being squashed by a paperback (a good reason not to switch to e-books). If God didn't intend us to kill them on sight, he would have made spiders look more like rabbits. Instead, they're stealthy, silent, hairy, venomous and equipped with more eyes and appendages than any creature has a right to possess. I'm certain if a spider were to catch its own reflection in a mirror, it would try to squash itself.
"Have I ever told you how much I love smoking?" |
In
Tarantula, Professor Gerald Deemer (Leo G. Carroll) has good
intentions, trying to create a synthetic nutrient that will help feed the world's increasing population. But like all well-meaning scientists with radioactive chemicals at their disposal, his experiment results in oversized lab animals, such as
mice, guinea pigs and a tarantula. Apparently intrigued by this side
effect, Deemer keeps injecting them...including the fucking
tarantula.
"Fuck this. I'm outta here." |
Whatever the case, it's now up to Dr. Matt Hastings (John Agar) and "Stevie" Clayton (Mara Corday) to unfuck Deemer’s fuckery. After killing a bunch of farmers and their cattle, the title creature threatens an entire Arizona town. Guns don’t work, nor does dynamite, which I’ve always suspected would be the case.
Guess who? |
As everyone knows, the only effective solution to getting rid of a spider is total overkill, just to make sure it doesn’t come back twice-as-big and plenty pissed. So while I totally concur with the final decision to bring in jet fighters armed with a heaping helping of napalm (Hell, I’d bug-bomb my own house with napalm if Walmart carried it), perhaps Tarantula doesn’t go far enough. Fuck the napalm and unleash a warhead to nuke that bastard into oblivion. Sure, the Arizona desert would be a radioactive wasteland for a few decades, but it ain't like I know anybody who lives there, anyway.
Tarantula is mostly remembered today for featuring a young Clint Eastwood near the start of his career (unbilled as one of the jet pilots). Despite not being as widely revered as Them!, it holds up better than a lot of similar films from the era (though the abundance of sexist dialogue is pretty cringe-worthy). This Blu-ray from Shout Factory is light on bonus features, but does feature one of the better audio commentaries I’ve heard in awhile and the picture quality is outstanding. This eight-legged childhood nightmare has never looked or sounded better.
EXTRA
KIBBLES
AUDIO
COMMENTARY – By film historians Tom Weaver, Dr. Robert Kiss and
David Schector. Also includes comments from Mara Corday, as spoken by
another actress (!). A lot of great info and fun trivia in this one.
TRAILER
STILL
GALLERY
PROMO
MATERIALS GALLERY
KITTY CONSENSUS:
PURR-R-R. LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.
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