Starring
Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach,
Priyanka Chopra, Jon Bass, Ilfenesh Hadera, Yahya-Adul-Mateen II,
Hannibal Buress, Jack Kesy, David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson.
Directed by Seth Gordon. (2017 116/121 min).
You're
looking at the one American male over 40 who never sat through a single
episode of the original Baywatch. It always looked like an idiotic T&A
version of Scooby-Doo. Maybe that's why the film's best
running gag works so well.
That
gag: The entire Baywatch gang (led by Dwayne Johnson) are under the
delusion that their occupation is a noble calling for the capable
few, one that extends beyond the beach to include detective work and
protecting the community from nefarious bad guys. Everyone else sees
them for what they are: simple lifeguards.
Had
that joke been the primary focus of the actual story, Baywatch
could have been another Brady Bunch Movie, a self-aware,
morbidly amusing film about characters stuck in their own little
bubble, oblivious to reality. Instead, an actual plot is thrown in,
which has the audacity to take itself relatively seriously.
 |
| "Hey...those three guys are gonna need a bigger boat." |
While
Baywatch isn't as bad as the critical consensus suggests, the
biggest problem is the film doesn't pick one tone and stick with it. At
times it approaches the type of satire you'd see in Airplane!
before shifting to lowbrow dick jokes. The humor ranges from
cleverly self-aware to stupid slapstick. Some of it is funny, just as
often not. When it abruptly turns into an action film, everything is
pretty-much played straight-up. For example, another running
gag has C.J. always jogging in slow-motion (an amusing nod to
the original series' jiggle appeal). However, whenever Johnson is called into action, slo-mo is employed to emphasize the awesomeness of the stunt.
Both
Johnson and Zac Efron have previously demonstrated comic chops, which
are certainly on display here. They're obviously in on the joke
whenever the film is in comedy mode, and by now, Efron has the hunky
idiot market cornered. However, amid the six-pack abs and
bouncing boobs is Ronnie, the obligatory rube who exists to be
laughed at for his comparatively poor physique and social awkwardness.
Stuck with a majority of the most embarrassing gags, I
sometimes found myself feeling almost sorry for the actor who plays
him (Jon Bass).
Still,
despite its wild inconsistencies, Baywatch isn't a terrible
movie. Sure, opportunities for clever satire are often squandered and
I'm thankful I passed on it in theaters, but I expected a lot worse.
When it places humor over heroics, it's even laugh-out-loud funny on
occasion.
EXTRA
KIBBLES
UNRATED
VERSION (pushing the running time past the two-hour mark without
really improving things)
FEATURETTES:
"Meet the Lifeguards"; "Continuing the Legacy";
"Stunts & Training"
DELETED/EXTENDED
SCENES
DVD
& DIGITAL COPIES
KITTY CONSENSUS:
NOT BAD...LIKE CAT CHOW
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