Starring
Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Kris Wu, Ruby Rose, Tony
Jaa, Nina Dobrev, Toni Collette, Samuel L. Jackson, Rory McCann, Tony
Gonzalez, Ice Cube, Neymar Jr. Directed by D.J. Caruso. (2017, 106
min).
Were
that many people really pining for Xander Cage's return? Probably
not. The original xXx, released over a
decade-and-a-half ago, was hardly a cinematic milestone. Essentially James
Bond for the X-Games crowd, the film was undemanding summer action
to be enjoyed in the moment by teen boys, then largely
forgotten by the time school started up again.
Still,
while star/exec-producer Vin Diesel may be over-estimating the
character's enduring popularity just a tad, as belated sequels go,
xXx: Return of Xander Cage ain't too bad at all. Perhaps
that's because, unlike fan anticipation surrounding something like,
say, Mad Max: Fury Road, the
xXx franchise isn't
what anyone would consider iconic. It's hard to be too disappointed
in any sequel to a movie than wasn't all that memorable to begin with
(honestly, can you even recall what the plot was?). In fact, if it
weren't for the title of this one, I wouldn't have even remembered Xander Cage's
name.
At
any rate, Diesel's back as everyone's favorite tattooed adrenaline
junkie, once again reluctantly recruited to save the world by
recovering a satellite-controlling device called Pandora's Box, which
was stolen from the CIA by Xiang (Donnie Yen) and his eclectic team
of cocky, super-skilled renegades. So Cage forms his own team
of cocky, super-skilled renegades to locate Xiang and retrieve the
box. But it turns out Xiang's gang are also former xXx agents and the
real Pandora's Box is in the hands of a madman bent on causing
worldwide destruction.
 |
| "He did it!" |
Of
course, the plot itself is just a clothesline on which to hang
everything, all of which is so amped-up, over-the-top and ridiculous
it makes The Fast and the Furious
look like Manchester by the Sea.
Gage leaps from a radio tower, skis down a snowless mountain and
defies gravity with a skateboard just to provide a local village with
TV reception for a soccer game. And that's just in his opening scene. Later,
he punches baddies in the face with a motorcycle (which he also rides an ocean wave with), plays Hot Potato with two
grenades and leaps from a plane without a parachute, confident he'll
grab one on the way down. Never once does he - or anyone else - even
display an iota of trepidation, laughing-off danger with a supercool
wisecrack or devilish grin.
 |
| "Hang on...I'm just gonna grab me a weenie." |
Though
this film is even more outlandish than the first two combined, there's a self-aware quality to the proceedings that renders the whole
thing rather fun, as though everyone involved knows it's ridiculous
and plays it to the hilt. Vin Diesel is clearly having a good time,
once again playing a less serious version of Dominic Toretto,
stopping just short of winking directly at the camera to remind us
he's just playing around. This time, however, it's the great Donnie
Yen who wins the MVP award. Not only is he inherently cooler than
Diesel on a good day, his jaw-dropping fighting skills are here in
abundance. He's practically a special effect unto himself.
Don't
bother looking for any logic, such as the inexplicable reappearance of a
character we watched die, or a welcome-but-implausible cameo by Ice
Cube, who took Diesel's place in the second film. But hey, at least
the series remembers its past, even if some of us don't.
For
those willing to play along, xXx: Return of Xander
Cage is a goofy good
time, more than happy to be a send-up of itself for the sake of
entertainment. And really, it's hard to completely dismiss any movie
with the audacity to feature a techno rave filled with high-heeled,
scantily-clad models...in the middle of a remote jungle.
EXTRA
KIBBLES
FEAUTETTES:
"Third Time's a Charm: Xander Returns"; "Rebels,
Tyrants & Ghosts: The Cast"; "Opening Pandora's Box: On
Location"; "I Live for This Sh#t!: Stunts"
GAG
REEL
DVD
& DIGITAL COPIES
KITTY CONSENSUS:
NOT BAD...LIKE CAT CHOW
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