Starring
Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, Bo Dallas, Heath Slater, Curtis
Axel, Naomi, Anna Van Hooft, Nathan Mitchell, Maryse Ouellet Mizanin,
Sandy Robinson. Directed by James Nunn. (2017, 91 min).
Maybe
Jake Carter (WWE star Mike "The Miz" Mizanin) should
consider re-enlisting in the Marines. In The Marine 3, he
pummels and slaughters half the residents of a small town before the ink on his
discharge papers is dry. And wasn't he putting those formidable
fighting skills to work for a security agency just one movie ago?
Whatever happened to that job? He's an ambulance driver in The
Marine 5: Battleground, but still clearly better at taking
lives than saving them. Civilian life just doesn't seem to be working
out for him.
The
"battleground" in question is a parking garage, where most
of the movie takes place. Carter and his cannon fodder partner, Zoe
(Anna Van Hooft) find themselves trying to save a wounded ex-con from
a gang of vicious bikers whose leader he just shot and killed. The
bikers consist mostly of other wrestling stars, all of whom are
capable of two expressions (menace and rage, even when pounding a
beer). At least "The Miz," here for his third go-round, has
enough experience under his belt to manage three (looking dumbfounded
isn't something you often see on a wrestler's face).
 |
| When eating barbecued ribs, careful not to "Miz" your mouth. Get it? MIZ your mouth? |
Of
course, no one watches a movie like this for a heartfelt
soliloquy by Bo Dallas. I suppose WWE fans will enjoy watching a
half-dozen of their idols punch, kick, stab and shoot each other. For
everyone else, The Marine 5 is a dreary, low wattage Die
Hard knock-off, with The Miz methodically dispatching
exceptionally dumb villains in a setting slightly more cinematic than
an elevator. The action shifts to an empty amusement park for the
climax, which is a far more interesting location, but not enough to
make the preceding 70 minutes worth enduring.
While
no classic by any stretch, at least The Marine was an earnest
effort to entertain undiscriminating action fans and suggested John
Cena might just have a reasonably successful career outside of the
ring. But like the previous direct-to-video sequels, The Marine 5
is little more than another cynical product from the WWE to promote
its brand. Wrestling fans will undoubtedly eat it up, which is
probably enough to make The Marine 6 inevitable. No one else
need apply.
EXTRA
KIBBLES
FEATURETTES:
"Evening the Odds"; "Superstar Studded"
KITTY CONSENSUS:
MEH...A "MIZ"-ED OPPORTUNITY, THOUGH WWE FANS MAY ENJOY IT
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