MOVIES IN HAIKU

PEARL HARBOR

Your brother is dead?

Then before the planes reach Pearl

I'll screw you instead.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Aliens are here!

They may have the firepower,

But my laptop rocks!

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

Heston as Moses.

Egypt was full of white folks?

Still, Yul is badass.

THE HOBBIT

One book. Three movies.

That's okay...fanboys will pay,

'Cause they're all suckers.

DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN (or any other Madea movie)

It's Perry in drag,

Exploiting stereotypes

To rake in the cash.

FRIDAY THE 13TH (any of them)

To hunks and hotties

Who engage in naughtiness...

Meet my machete.

TITANIC

I saved your ass, Rose!

Let me climb on before my

Goddamn balls freeze off!

SCARFACE

Tony Montana...

An incestuous, coke-fiend

Who says “fuck” a lot.