PRIMATE: Monkey Business In My Dream House

PRIMATE (Blu-ray)

2025 / 89 min

Paramount

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Maybe it’s my age, but while watching Primate, I kept getting distracted by the house where the film takes place. Damn, it’s awesome, maybe the greatest house I’ve ever seen in a movie where it isn’t trying to kill its occupants. 

Back my the days of apartment living, I didn’t pay much attention to such things, even with the wife insisting I join her to catch House Hunters on HGTV so I could hear her dream out loud. Conversely, I was stubbornly pragmatic, seeing no point in watching other couples buy dream homes I couldn’t possibly afford. But now that I’m a home owner with equity, some of those fancy digs on TV seem a bit more tangible, therefore more interesting. 

As for the house in Primate…I was ready to put our split-level suburban dump on the market and moonlight as a rodeo clown to get it. But alas, one of this disc’s bonus features reveals that the house itself isn’t real. I shoulda known it was too good to be true. 

Still, it’s a great setting, even if it isn’t trying to kill its occupants. Something else is, though…a rabid chimpanzee. Primate is sort of a simian version of Cujo and the titular creature is named Ben, who lives with the Pinborough family. Oldest daughter Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) has come home from college, bringing a few friends along to up the eventual body count. After being bitten by a mongoose, Ben turns rabid and murderous while Lucy’s father is away for a book signing. Lucy, her friends and young sister Erin (Gia Hunter) flee to the swimming pool because Ben can’t swim. However, they’re trapped there.

Scariest of all...Ben is not housebroken.

With the exception of Adam (Troy Kotser), the dad who happens to be deaf, I had trouble distinguishing one character from another, their personalities being of obvious secondary importance. But to be perfectly honest, I was fine with that, even when a couple of laughably-conceived dude bros show up mid-movie for the sole purpose of getting slaughtered. What ultimately matters is that Primate delivers a wildly gory good time as Ben kills off most of the cast in a variety of hideously gruesome ways. These scenes are extremely well executed - even suspenseful at times - made more potent by good ol’ fashioned practical effects.

And speaking of which…I’m sure the temptation was strong to depict Ben through CGI, but thankfully, he’s a combination of animatronics and a small actor (Miguel Torres Umba) in prosthetics. For the most part, he’s as convincing as the house created for his rampage, and since everyone else looks and acts like refugees from a reality show, Ben ends up being the most interesting character in the entire film. Hell, I was rooting for him from the get-go.

Sure, plausibility is stretched a little thin here and there (especially regarding some of Ben’s abilities), but since the movie attacks its familiar premise with uninhibited, blood-soaked glee, who cares? Movies like this are never meant to challenge the intellect anyway. What ultimately matters is that Primate delivers unpretentious thrills and creative kills…all set in a house that’s a lot cooler than yours.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - Primal Terror: Directing Primate mostly features director/co-writer Johannes Roberts, as well as cast & crew interviews; New Blood: The Faces of Primate focuses on the cast; Creating Ben is the best of the bonus features and offers a revealing look at how Ben was depicted; Designing Paradise is about how they created that awesome house.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director/co-writer Johannes Roberts.

CREEPY CREATURE DOUBLE FEATURE: A Pair of Craptastic Classics

THE CRAWLING HAND and THE SLIME PEOPLE (Blu-ray)

1962-1963 / 165 min (2 movies)

VCI Entertainment

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Budget-Conscious😹

There are bad movies, then there’s The Crawling Hand. And just when you think ancient low-budget sci-fi can’t get any sillier, there’s The Slime People. Both daffy delights are featured on this disc with terrific restorations, making it irresistible for any fan of classic cinema sewage. 

The title almost tells all in The Crawling Hand, which opens with an astronaut’s ship blowing up upon re-entry. His severed arm drops onto a California beach, to be found by a college student, Paul (Rod Lauren), who takes it home to study! Little does he know the arm is infected with a murderous alien, which not only kills the landlady, it possesses Paul himself, who tries in vain to fight his new inner-demons and goes on a rampage.

Believe it or not, there are a couple of legitimately decent scenes, but by and large, there’s plenty of giggleworthy goofiness at-hand (at-hand…get it?). My personal favorite scene is a conversation in a malt shop between Paul and his exchange-student girlfriend, Marta, played by former Iceland beauty queen Sirry Steffen, who’s clearly reading cue cards and not even looking at him. Elsewhere, the Skipper himself, Alan Hale, is on-hand as the useless town sheriff, a role almost identical to one he’d later play in another craptastic creature feature, The Giant Spider Invasion. And if nothing else, you gotta love any movie where a bunch of cats end up saving the day!

The Crawling Hand's unsung hero.

The Crawling Hand is Invasion of the Body Snatchers compared to The Slime People, which has the titular creatures rising from the Earth to wreak havoc on Los Angeles (because of the usual nuclear testing, of course). Director & star Robert Hutton plays Tom, a sports reporter who tries to lead a group of survivors through a thick, creature-created fog wall to get out of town. 

The fog is a major part of the story. So major, in fact, that it’s often tough to see the actors themselves, much less what they happen to be doing at any given time. The creatures look hilarious and lumber slow enough that a double-amputee could outrun them. However, my favorite aspect of the film is its depiction of lawless mobs running around Los Angeles, who number in the half-dozens and include kids and middle aged women…probably offered the roles just before shooting started. Hutton also manages to create a romantic subplot between himself and co-star Susan Hart (who’s obviously half his age) while her dad looks on in approval. Such are the perks of calling the shots, I guess.

Though there’s plenty of fun to be had at the expense of both films, we still gotta appreciate the dedication on display, misguided as it might be. We sense everyone on both sides of the camera were trying their best to make good films. That they ultimately (and spectacularly) failed shouldn’t be held against them. After all, neither would be nearly as memorable if they were actually well made.

EXTRA KIBBLES

UNEARTHING THE SLIME PEOPLE - The best of the bonus features, this has author/historian Tom Weaver discussing the film, which also includes an online interview with actress Susan Hart.

FEATURETTE - Rubber Monsters, Real Fears: Mid-Century Sci-Fi is a slight, superfluous batch of clips and stills.

THE CRAWLING HAND AUDIO COMMENTARY - By podcaster Rob Kelly.

CLASSIC DRIVE-IN SCI-FI POSTER GALLERY

REVERSIBLE COVER

CONFESSIONS OF A POLICE CAPTAIN: Franco's Comfort Zone

CONFESSIONS OF A POLICE CAPTAIN (Blu-ray)

1971 / 106 min

Radiance Films

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Badge😺

While watching Confessions of a Police Captain (for the first time, by the way), it occurred to me that I’ve hardly seen Franco Nero in anything that wasn’t a western or crime film. Not that he hasn’t done other stuff, and maybe it says more about my viewing habits than his range as an actor, but the fact remains that those two genres make-up a significant portion of his lengthy filmography.

Perhaps those things are his comfort zone, which suits me fine because he’s generally really good in them, even if they aren’t always deserving of his efforts. This one is, though. Not too far removed from the poliziotteschi subgenre that was popular in Italy at the time, Confessions of a Police Captain is a tough, fast-moving thriller packed with vicious mobsters, questionable cops and political corruption. 

In the middle of it all is dedicated district attorney Traini (Nero), brought in the investigate the attempted murder of powerful industrialist Fernando Lomunno (Luciano Catenacci) at the hands of Michele Li Puma (Adolfo Lastretti), just sprung from an insane asylum by police captain Bonavia (Martin Balsam). Almost immediately, Traini suspects Bonavia of orchestrating the attack. For good reason, it turns out. Lomunno is also a vicious mob boss Bonavia has been trying to put away for years.

"Forget it, Traini...it's my turn to drive."

The adversarial relationship between this incorruptible DA and ethically-ambiguous cop is the crux of the story, which also includes harrowing flashbacks revealing both Li Puma’s and Bonavia’s motives for wanting to see Lomunno dead. What makes all this especially interesting is that Bonavia’s actions may not earn our approval (or Traini’s), but he certainly earns our empathy. He’s the most intriguing, complex and fatalistic character in the film, who suspects things won’t end well for him, but is compelled to accomplish what corrupt judges refuse to.

Balsam, who was doing a lot of Italian thrillers at the time, also delivers the film’s best performance (though I missed his distinctive voice). Nero is his usual solid self in a role that's well within his comfort zone…and his third collaboration with director Damiano Damiani. Elsewhere, the intricate plot, action and occasionally cruel violence keep things lively. A relative obscurity on this side of the pond, Confessions of a Police Captain is an entertaining crime film worth seeking out.

EXTRA KIBBLES

NOTE: Free Kittens Movie Guide was provided with a promo disc for review purposes. Physical supplemental material included with the final product (booklets, artwork, inserts, etc) were not available for review.

INTERVIEWS - New individual interviews with actor Franco Nero, actor Michele Gammino and editor Antonio Siciliano.

ENGLISH AND ITALIAN VERSIONS

MY NEIGHBOR ADOLF: Grumpy Old Men (with Secrets)

MY NEIGHBOR ADOLF (Blu-ray)

2022 / 95 min

Cohen Media Group

Review by Princess Pepper😽

The late Udo Kier has kind of an unusual legacy. To some, he’s a familiar face you see in countless mainstream movies without ever learning his name. To others, he’s a cult legend whose wild & weird resume stretches back decades. And all the while, he found plenty of time to show up in what might best be described as art films. All told, there was an Udo for every taste, and he’ll be missed.

One of Kier’s late-career roles was co-starring with David Hayman in My Neighbor Adolf, a dramatic comedy that’s never as enticingly silly as its title suggests, nor quite the art film that its distributor, Cohen Media Group, is typically associated with. It’s ultimately something in between, and kind of a mixed bag.

It’s got a great premise, though. Set during 1960, Marek Polsky (Hayman) is a reclusive Holocaust survivor living in Argentina. Preferring to be left alone with his roses, Marek is initially annoyed when a man, Hermann Herzog (Kier), and his dog move into the house next door. But during a contentious property line dispute, Marek becomes convinced his new neighbor is actually Adolf Hitler in hiding. Since nobody believes him, he sets about getting proof, which means getting closer to the man.

"Let's play Twister next."

Both men are equally cantankerous, and most of the narrative focuses on their relationship. Though combative at first, the two find common ground (and maybe a bit of grudging respect) over the game of chess. Though Marek remains obsessed with exposing Hermann’s true identity - even breaking into his house to find evidence - an unusual friendship develops. Along the way, we learn more about each of them, some of the revelations amusing, others rather poignant.

Storywise, My Neighbor Adolf works in fits and starts. Though he obviously carries secrets, whether or not Hermann actually is Hitler doesn’t drive the entire film. Ironically, it’s most engaging when that aspect is placed on the backburner. The petty bickering, drinking and chess matches evolve into a charming relationship. In fact, when director/co-writer Leon Prudovsky does return to the so-called ‘plot,’ it almost feels intrusive. 

While My Neighbor Adolf is occasionally funny and touching, there’s also an air of familiarity (and predictability) that hangs over the whole thing. The Hitler angle notwithstanding, we’ve seen this story before in countless other movies about grumpy old men finding unlikely friendship in each other. Still, Hayman and Kier are excellent in their roles, which helps carry the film over some of the rough spots, keeping it watchable.

A Minority's Report on MERCY

MERCY (Blu-ray)

Also available on 4K UHD

2026 / 99 min

Alliance Entertainment

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

Have you ever gone into a movie fully prepared for it to suck? As a reviewer, I always try to stay open minded, but sometimes I can’t help it. In the case of Mercy, there were red flags o’ plenty. First, it’s one of those “screenlife” movies, most of which are garbage. Second, Timur Bekmambetov has directed a grand total of zero movies I thought were any good. Finally, its main star is Chris Pratt, who hasn’t exactly lit up the screen since hanging up his Starlord costume. 

Sure enough, Mercy gets off to a dire start by bombarding us with so much plot exposition that we almost feel like we don’t have to bother watching it. But something happened along the way…the damn thing didn’t quite descend into the dumpster fire I was fully expecting. Most other critics hated this one, though, so I guess you can consider this a “minority’s report” (there’s a reason for my choice of words).

The story takes place in future Los Angeles, where justice is overseen by an AI program called Mercy (personified by Rebecca Ferguson), serving as judge, jury and executioner. Pratt plays Chris Raven, a short-tempered, alcoholic cop accused of murdering his wife, Nicole (Annabelle Wallis). At present, he’s strapped to a chair in a ‘courtroom’ consisting of VR screens, with Mercy informing him that he has 90 minutes to prove his innocence using all the technology at his disposal.

Since Mercy has online access to everything in the city (phones, machines, files, personal records, cameras, etc.), she provides impartial assistance for anything Raven needs to find Nicole’s killer. However, if he’s still found guilty once the time elapses, he’ll fry in his chair. The film more-or-less plays out in real time, seldom slowing down for a second as Raven searches for clues and follows leads, sometimes with the help of colleagues or friends sequestered by Mercy, including his teenage daughter, Britt (Kylie Rogers).

Chris Pratt emotes as only Chris Pratt can.

If it sounds like a poor man’s Minority Report, you aren’t too far off the mark. Mercy is conceptually similar, though dumbed down a bit and less visually interesting. Most of the action takes place in a single room, as seen by Raven and presented by Mercy through massive computer screens. It’s also kinda difficult to invest in the main character. Even though the viewer is certain he’s innocent (otherwise, no movie), Raven doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic, most of his problems being of his own making. Additionally, the film has its fair share of moments that tend to stretch credibility…maybe more than its fair share.

But while I may not have been all that invested in Raven himself, I found his situation kind of interesting, especially once the narrative focuses on his search for suspects and clues. Here and there, a few curveballs are thrown our way, some we see coming, others we might not. I also appreciated the murder mystery elements of the story, and when all is revealed at the end, at least I didn’t feel short changed. 

Screenlife is an increasingly rote gimmick, but I’ll concede it’s mostly used to good effect here, though the climax itself eschews all that in favor of car chases, shootouts and destruction. But by then, we’ve all earned a little KABOOM to cap things off (even if it does seem a little pandering). Ultimately, Mercy is in-no-way a sci-fi masterpiece, but it certainly didn’t suck. While it might not hold up to scrutiny upon repeated viewings (yes, I’d probably watch it again of my own accord), the movie’s fairly fun in the moment.

Revisiting MONEYBALL in 4K

MONEYBALL (4K UHD)

2011 / 133 min

Sony

Available at MovieZyng

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Bronx Bomber😺

There’s something about baseball and movies that go together like peanut butter & jelly. I generally find the sport as exciting as paying the bills, but slap it on the big screen and something magical happens. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more baseball films than actual games, seldom coming across one that wasn’t at least watchable…and re-watchable.

The game is inherently cinematic, and Moneyball is a classic example that it can be just as dramatically compelling off the field. Adapted from the bestselling book, it tells the story of Billy Beane (Brad Pitt), a former ballplayer who becomes the general manager of the Oakland A’s. Tasked with rebuilding the roster with a fraction of the resources afforded other teams, he forgoes traditional scouting and begins acquiring overlooked (and affordable) players using unorthodox data created by his new assistant, Peter Brand (Jonah Hill). 

Because none of this sits well with the rest of his staff, including manager Art Howe (Philip Seymour Hoffman), Moneyball ends up being an underdog story both on and off the field. I don’t know how much of the behind-the-scenes drama is accurate (nor do I care), but since the A’s 2002 season really was an underdog story, much of what we’re seeing rings true, as do the nuts and bolts of the trading and recruiting process. 

"Good thing we got here early."

But no amount of authenticity would resonate without engaging characters, which the film provides with its two protagonists. Beane is especially well-developed…smart, ambitious and driven (almost obsessively), yet haunted by his past and somewhat uncertain of his future. He’s well realized by Pitt, as is Brand by Hill, whose performance might be even more impressive because it’s atypical of the roles he was largely known for at the time. 

Like all great sports-themed films, Moneyball remains supremely re-watchable. If not one of the best baseball movies ever made, masterfully capturing the cinematic drama inherent within the game (even outside of the ballpark), it certainly feels like one of the most authentic ones. After years of being available only on Blu-ray and DVD, it’s finally been given a 4K UHD release. There aren’t any new bonus features (the ones included here are carried over from previous editions), but the video transfer is excellent overall, as is the 5.1 DTS-HD audio track. I also gotta say I really like the new slipcover, which nicely reflects the iconoclastic nature of its main character. 

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - Billy Beane: Re-Inventing the Game features director Bennett Miller, screenwriter Aaron Sorkin, original Moneyball author Michael Lewis and Billy Beane; Drafting the Team is about the film’s cast; Moneyball: Playing the Game takes a look at the baseball scenes, locations and sets; Adapting Moneyball covers how the book became a movie.

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Catnip Reviews: CLASSE TOUS RISQUES, SOLDIER (4K) and the Original RUNNING MAN

Snack-sized opinions from the frisky felines at Free Kittens…

CLASSE TOUS RISQUES (Blu-ray) - We here at Free Kittens are just now discovering the wonderful world of French thrillers from the ‘60s and ‘70s. Currently, we consider Le Circle Rouge the Citizen Kane of the genre, with Jean-Pierre Melville being our favorite director. In front of the camera, we’re particularly keen on Alain Delon, Lino Ventura and Jean-Paul Belmondo. Those last two actors star together in Classe Tous Risques, a crackling 1960 gangster movie about a fugitive mob boss trying to escape the executioner’s chair by fleeing to another country with his family. Ventura excels in the lead, while Belmondo also shines as the only man he can trust. Tough, violent, but also somber and poignant, this Claude Sautet-directed film hits all the right notes. Also available in a 4K version, the film’s been wonderfully restored and includes a few excellent archival bonus features. (1960/105 min/Criterion Collection).

KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼😼😼

SOLDIER (4H UHD) - Soldier didn’t leave much of an impression when first released nearly 30 years ago (in fact, it was a critical and commercial bomb). But like a lot of movies in Kurt Russell’s filmography, it has since become something of a cult classic, even enjoying a bit of critical re-assessment in some circles. While certainly no masterpiece, Soldier is arguably one of director Paul W.S. Anderson’s better efforts. Considering his track record, that might be faint praise, but the film has a lot going for it…a good premise, impressive production design and another great action role for Russell, who delivers a tough-yet-affecting performance despite having only 104 words of actual dialogue. This release features a solid 4K transfer and good selection of bonus features, most of them brand new. (1998/96 min/Arrow Video).

KITTY CONSENSUS: 😺😺😺

THE RUNNING MAN (Blu-ray) - Edgar Wright’s 2025 adaptation of Stephen King’s The Running Man isn’t without issues of its own, but it’s Children of Men compared to the 1987 version with Arnold Schwarzenegger (when he was still struggling with the whole acting thing). Gleefully tossing damn near everything but the title, the film replaces the novel’s dark tone and serious themes with garish, dumbed-down buffoonery loaded with WWE glitz and plenty of Arnie’s eye-rolling one-liners. Back then, it was the biggest bastardization of a King story since Kubrick dug his mitts into The Shining and time has not been particularly kind to it…at least aesthetically. However, The Running Man still has its share of fans and admittedly serves up some lunkheaded fun at times. If nothing else…casting Family Feud legend Richard Dawson as the film’s evil, ratings-obsessed game show host was a masterstroke. (1987100 min/Paramount).

KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼